Lesson

Why Listen to Me

So someone asked me what position I’m in to basically be coaching people. This is what they said:

‘Tony Robbins has said his home life was “chaotic” and “abusive”, and that his mother chased him out of the house with a knife when he was 17, and he never returned. Robbins worked as a janitor and did not attend college.

Look at Eric Thomas…his childhood and adolescent years were difficult, and his life struggles and personal identity issues were intensified because like so many, he did not establish a relationship with his biological father until his early thirties. At the age of 16, defiant and hardheaded, Eric decided to leave home and drop out of school, choosing to live on the streets of Detroit.

Most of these top motivational speakers have lived the real struggle. What struggle have you lived compared to them?

A psychiatrist actually studies the human brain. Do you have a diploma or a degree to be specialized in this field?’


I get the knock on me and I appreciate the challenge because my initial reaction is an emotional fire consuming me that wants to shake the person. Then, I have to re-frame it all and communicate it effectively.

In terms of the pain I experienced in my life, I will go through some things with you so you have an idea that I’ve been able to overcome some challenges and choose a path of righteousness.

1) I was the third smallest kid in the grade getting bullied, picked on, and beat up for years. Literally got punched in the face several times in front of 50-100 people.
2) Suffered from ADHD – on Ritalin, Adderall, etc for years – got called down to the nurse’s office every day to take this medicine and laughed at by peers during middle school and high school for it
3) Thought about suicide once
4) Went years without friends
5) I got called to the principal’s office and detention very often. I was suspended from school multiple times.
6) I won 1 match in wrestling the first year I took it up.
7) Suffered from terrible acne throughout late high school and sophomore year of college – lived in constant fear when seen in public
8) Had to fight through law school for years even though I hated every minute of it and didn’t want to be there
9) Got so sick I had to see 30 doctors for months until an allergist discovered it was mold in my apartment. I had rashes all over my face and body for months
10) Lost one of my best friends due to an overdose
11) My father had prostate cancer – fortunately, he is doing OK now!
12) I’ve been debilitated with lower back pain where I couldn’t exercise for months
13) My mother and I were like oil and water for years where we couldn’t talk to each other without fighting
14) Major uncertainty with my career and finances – I’ve been financially hardened plenty of times during this process where my bank account has gone down to below $1000 and built up tens of thousands in credit card debt
15) Was in constant pain during a relationship and then fell into a deep depression after a break-up where I went from living with and wanting to marry to breaking it off clean

You can take those experiences alone and I think that’s enough to pay attention to me. So if I can fix those problems in my life I can relate to a lot of people. If I can stop taking ADHD medicine and focus, you can too. If I can climb out of depression so can you.

I’m not going to experience everything that someone else is going to but I can use what I have experienced, place myself in their shoes to try to experience what they are experiencing, feel that emotion throughout my whole body, use what I study, and communicate it to help people in that situation. I don’t experience the same situations that my clients experience, but I’ve changed their lives. So I do know I don’t have to live their experience to help them.

The next thing I will mention is this quote I say very often. Perspective is respective to the individual. You have no idea what’s going on in my skull. Some people can experience a death in their family and not even feel anything. Others can be bothered by the slightest thing. External circumstances don’t measure someone’s pain internally.

I did a video on Chael Sonnen here explaining this when he was ridiculed for growing up in wealthy area as if he didn’t belong in the UFC with the toughest fighters – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gdLf60DUF0

Chael Sonnen actually saw the video and told one of my clients how much he liked it.

It’s a ridiculous assumption to say because I didn’t grow up homeless I can’t help people. One does not cause the other. You wouldn’t only go to a doctor that experienced your condition to get treatment.

My mind is at a different level because I have lived through immense pain in my mind that most people can’t relate to. Perspective is respective to the individual. You can’t experience someone’s pain. Pain is relative. The most successful person in terms of an external expectation could be the most miserable person. I’ve been through extraordinary pain throughout my life at probably things that wouldn’t cause you or the average person pain. I’m so hard on myself. Kobe Bryant talks about how he’s very difficult to get along with. I understand him though because he’s playing chess when the guys on his team are playing checkers as he puts.

I get a stronger emotional charge than most people you’ve met, because I am hyper focused on everything and tiny things bother me. It’s a gift and a curse (if you want to put it that way) because it provides me with incredible content.

Eminem’s lyrics speak to me. Listen to the song Legacy and you can feel his pain and how it’s a gift and a curse because it allows him to write his rhymes. The pain allows me to do the speeches. When I look at Eminem, I don’t see a happy person.

Here is a guy who loves what he does and never has to worry about money. But he sees the world differently and financial security is just tackling one area of your life.

We all have a blueprint and I believe like how a video game has all the information encoded on the disc, we do too. It’s in there.

I explained it in this video here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgoNbcYvP4E

It used to be that I had no control over my emotions at all. Jack LaLanne said this as well as Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman said “I had explosive anger growing up”. Jack LaLanne said “I was a nasty miserable kid”

People with very strong blueprints and a drive to succeed have a difficult time dealing with their emotions that drive them there. All successful people have pain. The most brilliant people have some of the most suffering going through them. Watch the movie Jobs again.

What is being referred to by Eric Thomas and Tony Robbins in terms of what they faced is financial uncertainty. I believe they faced much more pain internally than that, however, in order to express themselves so well.

I didn’t do this because I’m running away from financial pain.

I explained that in this video here:

I also believe I relate to a lot more people since the average person is not homeless. You can either wait for rock bottom to produce an emotional charge so great that you never want to be there again or you can change your life without having to experience such dire circumstances.

As I explain, I made a decision that every action is going to be representative of who I am and that’s what moves me. I’m working on discipline, commitment, and habit not mere emotional triggers.

During the process of making videos every single day was some of my most intense growth. You can watch my earlier videos. I stuttered. It was very difficult pouring my heart out in public. That didn’t come natural to me. I had to break through all those fears during that process. Speaking my mind has always been a hindrance to me that I’ve had to break through.

Everything I do is predicated on action steps that I take with the mind, body, and spirit altogether. I don’t just come from telling you to explore your past or to walk down your future which is causing you anxiety. It’s like the warning light on the car. That can tell me that I used up a lot of gas in the past or I am about to run out of gas. Dwelling on the past/future will only make me run out of gas. What it’s telling me to do is take action and pull over the car and fill up with gas right now!

You can knock that I don’t have credentials. Tony Robbins doesn’t either. He never passed a life coach certification let alone has a psychology degree. He’s heard it all throughout his life. He also helped millionaires achieved more wealth before he was a millionaire himself. Tony Robbins used to be challenged by psychologists on the radio. He would then ask them for their worst patient (someone who was fearful of snakes for instance, that the psychologist couldn’t fix in 5 years). He fixed them on stage in under 1 hour.

It’s about knowing the right ways to heal someone which anyone can find out if you become a student of human behaviors.

I bet you probably don’t know that the third leading cause of death in America is from iatrogenic sources. Not sure what this is? It means deaths caused by a doctor in surgery. You can think you’re in fantastic hands because someone has a degree. It doesn’t mean that you will be fixed or they know what they are talking about.

I can solve challenges very quickly because I study the roots of problems. Problems come in various forms. The roots of them are all practically the same. It comes down to a sense of loss of our identity which then turns into depression or some form of anger/resentment. The quality of our life depends upon the quality of our communication to others and yourself. I get people to communicate to themselves better.

I can relate to people because I actively mimic emotions experienced by other people to place myself in their state. I place myself in their shoes at a conscious level. This allows me to solve most problems in one sentence when it takes psychologists multiple visits to fix. I have a unique gift but I am also maniacally obsessed with solving problems. I have clients who experience things I never personally did, but they send me texts after the call saying I can’t believe how powerful that was.

While most people focus on the Kardashians, or they’re walking down the streets looking at the trees, my brain is thinking about why people dress the way they dress. Why people say what they say. I ask myself why did he say that word.

And my mind steps into it to find answers to the deepest questions and challenges. You can have most psychologists start a YouTube channel and they will not gain over 50,000 subscribers in one year working against a YouTube algorithm by posting every day with zero advertising. Truth is truth is truth.

Hope I have your attention now.

Comments

  1. robin

    Thanks for sharing, Jaret!
    We got a very different backround, and I have wanted to share mine with you for a long time, on a deeper level but I havn’t figured out how yet. I’m still in dept due to a long time of wrong doing.
    To scratch the surface, I have lost my brother, mother and my cousin got murdered, and a friend also. I’ve lost x amount of people I knew in drug related deaths. Suffered constant back pain from I was 15-23(I was a talented soccerplayer and had to give up my dreams, which caused me to escape the reality with women, party, drugs and computer games), I have overcome drug addiction in many different areas and I share the same ADHD brain as you but I thank God and can’t still understand why they didn’t put me on med.

    A long and kind of deep post, but I felt for open up my heart and I just did it.

    Kind regards, Robin from Norway.
    By the way: You are a big reason that I am where I am today, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

  2. ivy

    Jaret you have a gift, and as you’ve said, you’ve had to work at developing that gift into what it is today, and true the average person isn’t homeless or hasn’t hit rock bottom, but the problem with the average person is they have small dreams and aren’t willing to step outside their comfort zone. It is scary and nerve racking to go against what everyone else is doing, not because you don’t want to do what they are doing, but because I/we/you (who are built within to be extraordinary people) want to see what is beyond that comfort zone bubble.

    My mind had been outside the bubble for long, its just getting my body to follow…I’m finally getting my body outside of the comfort zone and my adrenaline is pushing me further and further outside of it and as I take each step, it wasn’t bad as I thought, yes I put more work in, I have to build up courage and take risk of rejection or embarrassment, but then I dust myself off and then say, I’m ok, I’m able to strengthen my emotional fortitude if you will.

    Keep doing your thing, and take the challenges and make yourself better than before with their feedback, cuz, that’s all it is, is feedback, I’m learning from your video’s to re-frame people’s feedback towards me, and to use it for my advantage. I’m playing chess, while they don’t even know their about to get checked 🙂

    1. Jaret Grossman

      Thank you so much. Keep growing Ivy. I already see a change in your thought process since we hopped on that call!

      1. ivy

        HI Jaret! I wanted to share with you as I was navigating through my business platform website, there were video’s from established business owners in the same company who are mothers and they were sharing why they chose this specific company to build business, because it offers the flexibility of motherhood and being my own boss! 🙂

  3. John

    “While most focus on the Kardashians”
    It’s been 16 years since the Matrix came out and the analogy of that movie is far more apparent than ever. Smith looked out the window with his ever apparent God-complex smirk realizing just how pathetic everyone looked “just living out there lives” obliviously. I now see that too with less arrogance but straight objectivity. MOST focus on the Kardashians, the bottom of the barrel. A very few people won’t because bigger things to go after. Lets see what I can do to become one of them people.

  4. robin

    Thanks for sharing, Jaret!
    We got a very different backround, and I have wanted to share mine with you for a long time, on a deeper level but I havn’t figured out how yet. I’m still in dept due to a long time of wrong doing.
    To scratch the surface: First of all, I got saved by Jesus Christ.
    I have lost my brother, mother and my cousin got murdered, and a friend also. I’ve lost x amount of people I knew in drug related deaths. Suffered constant back pain from I was 15-23(I was a talented soccerplayer and had to give up my dreams, which caused me to escape the reality with women, party, drugs and computer games).
    I have overcome drug addiction in many different areas, with some help I have also overcome my two herniated discs, and my AC-joint separation. Though that is my physical life long battle, which results in my platform that I will fight the good fight of faith; Fitness.
    I share the same(not same, I think you feel me on this) ADHD brain as you but I thank God and can’t still understand why they didn’t put me on med.
    I want to help others, and inspire people, I can relate so much to what goes around inside of you. Especially after I read this post about why we should listen to you.
    A long and kind of deep post, but I felt for open up my heart and I just did it.

    Kind regards, Robin from Norway.
    By the way: You are a big reason that I am where I am today, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

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